DIY Kenny

So.  This is happening.

We're in weekend three of ye' old bathroom remodel.  I miss my husband.  

He's taken down white tile (and walls) so that he can put up new (walls and) white tile.  It's like HGTV right in my own house.

Four

4 years ago today, I talked about how much I love Kenny in front of about 200 of our closest friends and family members.  Second best day of my life.

3 years ago today, Kenny surprised me and took me out to the nicest restaurant we will ever go to and spent the most on a meal we will ever spend.

2 years ago today, we went to a cute BYOB restaurant near our first apartment in Chicago. We had moved to Chicago a few months before and had just gotten jobs.

1 year ago today, Kenny came home with the sad news about having lost his job.  We decided to keep our dinner reservations because I was pregnant, and we knew this would be the last time we’d be able to go out on our anniversary without arranging for babysitters and such for a long time.

Today, I’m going to go home after work and try to get Eli to go to sleep before his wonderful babysitters come. Then we’re going to go out to somewhere special Kenny has picked out.  This will be the 4th date (if you count two weddings) since Eli was born. Those other years he was just my husband.  This year I watched him become a father.
 

Pride

Many of our friends do races.  Our friend, Lisa, recently did a triathlon.  This triggered Kenny to make the sort of comment that he often makes in these circumstances.  "Oh yeah, I could definitely do that tomorrow if I wanted to."  I'm pretty sure he in fact made this comment to her.  I laugh at him when he says things like this because of all things, running?  Running is not his strong suit.  The last time he went for a run was eight years ago when he went accepted an invitation to go on a run with my roommate at the time so he could get permission to date me.*  I think his comments belittle/underestimate the work people do to get ready for these races.  So.  When he made this comment in regards to Lisa's triathlon I called his bluff.  Incredulous that I had no faith in his abilities, he agreed to run 10K** to prove me wrong.  Saturday night he created his running play list.  He put a scrap of paper with his name and my phone number in his shoe (should he keel over with a heart attack halfway through somebody might be able to call me and let me know where to pick up the body).  After considerable stretching and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he took off Sunday morning.  He returned 65 minutes later looking surprisingly alive.  For the rest of the morning he made passive agressive comments to Eli about how you should never let anybody tell you you can't do something.  

Around noon he took the dogs on a two-block walk that lasted about 40 minutes.  We were meeting another friend Lisa at the zoo later.  The train is about a mile from the zoo.  There was much limping and there were many, many breaks.  He trailed us by about 20 feet for much of the walk.

I guess the lesson we all learned from this is that yes, it is possible to run a 10K with no training.  Yes, Kenny in particular can run a 10K with no training. But no, it is not a good idea to run a 10K with no training.

*Why did he have to ask permission you ask.  It's a long story.  

** Was this a 10K as in an organized event wherein people compete or run for charity or such?  No.  This was the 10K Kenny.

My new holiday

Today is my first Mother's Day. Eli helped make me and his grandma eggs benedict for breakfast. I think his role was mostly supervisory. He also gave me some perfume which is quite thoughtful since because of him I lately mostly just smell like breastmilk and regurgitated breastmilk.

His father surprised me with the kind of surprise only I could really love. While I was at work last week he organized our linen closet--complete with labeled clear plastic bins. I went to find my hair dryer there the next day and found the loveliness accompanied with a sweet note. He once gave me a trash can for a birthday present. Many people tried to talk him out of that present, and I bet this present would sound similarly misguided to others. I couldn't have been more excited about the trash can and couldn't have been more excited about the closet though. He knows me so well.

If all of that wasn't enough, my dad also made a special lunch for me and the mother of his children (my mom). Today was just wonderful.

We came to Kansas City for the weekend mostly because I NEEDED to meet my friend Megan's little Milo and thought Eli should make his Kansas City rounds while he was still an itty bitty baby. Speaking of him being an itty bitty baby--he grew out of some of his 0-3 month clothes today. It's very upsetting for me seeing as how I'm still due two more weeks of him being 0-3 months old. I've decided to blame it on his big cloth diapers. During his Kansas City adventures he has proven once again that there is no scheduling this guy. He was completely content and happy when I though he'd be fussy and completely fussy when I thought he'd be happy. He likes to keep us on our toes. He's currently swaddled up and sleeping on the ottoman in front of me. He fell asleep all by himself for the second day in a row in that same location. This has not happened before and we are quite impressed with his brilliance. Also, we may need to steal this ottoman just in case the behavior is ottoman-specific.

Due

So today is my fabled due date. Mardi Gras. I am fairly certain there is to be no birthing for me today. I feel better about Thursday. The puppies don't think baby is coming today either. This is what they do while Kenny takes my weekly picture and they are waiting for their morning walk.

I think Leroy knows something is up. He's taken up being creepy and sleeping in his own bed at night. Either he knows something up, or he doesn't like sharing the bed with the whale who disrupts every creature in bed when she shifts positions.

Belly at 40 weeks. Also known as the time when pregnancy calendars stop. People are now disappointed to hear from me by phone or see me at work.

We had a lovely Valentine's Day. Baby cooperated in not coming on Valentine's Day as I had previously requested. We went to Outback. It was an outing we had planned for the day for several weeks. Sure we could have gone to some romantic-ish spot--perhaps a local restaurant we'd never been to--but we wanted to journey to the suburbs and go to Outback. Kenny consumed 2000 calories and 150 grams of fat.

For my Valentine's present, Kenny gave me a pedicure.

Apparently, much like learning to braid hair, learning to paint nails is something often overlooked for boys. Luckily, I can't get close enough to really see them and I think they look just spectacular from afar. For Kenny's Valentine's present I made him some waffles with berries and fresh whipped cream. Also I carried around his child for another day.

Workplace hyjinx

So, last Friday I was a bit bummed. I had to wear a suit (or what I classify as close-enough-to-a-suit-I’m-too-big-for-real-clothes) instead of the usual jeans casual. I had a client meeting scheduled for 4:00 and client meetings=you have to dress up. My boss told me that our receptionist would call when the client got there and asked me to print off a bunch of stuff for the meeting in the meantime. I walked down to the meeting with her, past what I did not realize at the time were all empty desks. When we got to the room I thought it odd that the door was shut.Seemed kind of rude to have our client all shut up in the room by himself. I opened the door and was greeted by my entire office shouting “surprise,” a clothesline full of onesies, and a table full of cupcakes and falafel (from my favorite falafel place). Oh, and a Kenny. The Kenny part really threw me off much as Megan’s appearance at my birthday last year threw me off. I have a hard time with people being in the wrong context. I said, “you’re not supposed to be here” and kept asking him why/how he was. There was a flipchart full of boy names since my coworkers all know that yes, we have girl names figured out but can’t agree on a single boy name. They came up with many winners including Moonshine and “The Situation.” We had sparkling cider (or champagne if you happened to not be pregnant). I thought the onesies on the clothesline were my present and was surprised when they handed me a big gift bag full of baby bathing paraphernalia and a Babies R Us gift card. I introduced Kenny to each and every one of my coworkers. I think it’s good for him to have a face to go with the names he hears about all the time. Overall, I would describe the experience as awesome.

In related news, I am now over 37 weeks pregnant. That means the baby is full term (though the due date is not until Mardi Gras) and is basically just freeloading and trying to get fatter right now. At my midwife appointment last night I found out I had gained a centimeter and lost and pound in the last week. My scientific explanation for this is that the baby is eating my fat. To be on the safe side, I have been eating pretty much non-stop today. I’ve had a bagel, bowl of oatmeal, protein bar, manicotti, and a Hershey kiss so far today—and we’re really just 6 or 7 hours into the day. None of the pictures this week were good, so you get this one:

We finished most of our household projects this last weekend. It’s as if we’re finally ready for that housewarming party we were going to have. Also, you just really can’t have a baby when there are pictures that need to be hung. I mean, I’m sure you can try. I just know it’s a bad idea. We are officially allowed to have the baby after we make and hang our headboard this weekend and get onsite recycling set up. Below is a picture of Kenny’s masterpiece. I talked him out of making himself crazy and trying to hang them in straight lines. The idea is that we try to have at least one picture of all of our family members and friends. This is how baby will remember who each of you are.

The end is near

I think I have to stop waiting to write posts until I have pictures. I’ll catch up on pictures soon. But for now, there are updates to be had.

Kenny did something extraordinary and exciting last week. He went to work! Yay! He got a contracting position last week and we all breathed a big sigh of relief. He’ll be there for at least 3 and half more weeks—maybe forever. We shall see. The two most interesting things about the job, from my perspective, are that they made him take his tragus piercing out and he has to wear a tie Tuesday through Thursday.

In other news, I’ve had “take infant CPR class” on our to do list for several months. We totally cheated and crossed that item off of our list last night by watching a variety of online video demonstrations. While we were at it, we learned how to give CPR to dogs and got a refresher on CPR for adults. We also finally picked out a pediatrician. According to all books and movies, I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to interview a bunch of them first. We instead started from a list of four that have been recommended to us, looked at their office hours and Yelp.com reviews and chose one. Find daycare remains on the list. I wonder how we’ll manage to shortchange that process J. Actually, I think that’s why it remains on the list—we haven’t found a shortcut yet. I think I’m going to have to actually start calling places and scheduling visits.

About a week ago I was having lunch with coworkers and talking about how great I am at sleeping. I of course have not had a good night of sleep since. I’ve apparently decided to start worrying about everything we need to get done before IT happens, and my stomach and joints are all broken. I look forward to sleeping a year or so from now.

People at work keep asking me when my leave starts. My leave starts when this baby shows up. Statistically speaking, I have about 2 to 7 weeks left. I’ve been spending some time staring at this chart. I think it’s a bit early for this, but I’m starting to feel a bit like a ticking time bomb. Who knows when she’ll go?

5-point Friday

Laziness has gotten the better of me this week. For that reason, you get a hastily written 5 point post.

1) Jack turned 5 years old on Sunday. To celebrate, Kenny gave him a Leroy portion of food and we got a new sweater for him out of the dollar bin at Target. People can tell me that dogs don’t need clothes all they want, but my little guy gets cold and appreciates a little something. He shivers and helps put his legs through arm holes like a pro.

2) Leroy got an expensive yet clean bill of health on Tuesday. A week before he was diagnosed with an intestinal infection--the kind of infection you get when you treat the neighborhood sidewalks like a buffet table.

3) On Wednesday, Kenny and I celebrated 3 years of wedded bliss. He gave me coupons for 10 minute back massages, dog walkings, and clean ____. I've given these to people before and they haven't used them. That will not be me. I will use every coupon and I will probably use them too quickly and then be sad I didn't spread them out.

4) I am 27 weeks as of Tuesday and this picture. According to 2 out of 4 sites I looked at, I am now in my third trimester. Ahhh! I finally got my hair cut but have not figured out how to style it yet.




5) My mother and stepfather, Jack, arrived for a visit last night. This is to be a visit-Kenny-and-Emo-and-help-nest visit more than a site seeing visit. By the end of the weekend we shall have a disturbingly green nursery with an assembled crib and everything. We've pretty much decided to not look at the contents of The Envelope and are thus committed to a gender neutral room. Do you think there's anything wrong with putting bright pink stars in what might be a boy's room? I, more than most people, think pink can go either way. For some reason, I really feel like some big pink stars will tie the room together though. We'll see.

Mean things embryos and fetuses do to their moms

The day before my positive test, I found myself unable to eat the salami sandwich Kenny had made or me for lunch. I felt like I was just being a brat and wasteful, but I had to go to Jimmy John’s to get something that sounded nice and calm instead. I confessed my betrayal to Kenny minutes after the positive test.

As I mentioned earlier, the nausea* kicked into gear about two days after I found out I was pregnant. Kenny was a little excited when it began because it was further assurance I was in fact pregnant. That, and he hates me.

It took some time to figure out how to handle the whole eating thing. Eating hurt but not eating hurt more. Sometimes eating was impossible. I would try to think of the one thing that sounded like a good idea. One night, I asked Kenny to make fried rice. Fried rice seemed fairly bland and it would still have some veggies and protein in it. We were almost out of soy sauce. I suggested he use some fish sauce to supplement---which was of course a completely terrible idea. While standing about 6 feet away from it, I smelled it and knew that I absolutely could not eat that meal. So Kenny made a wonderful meal I ASKED FOR, and when he added an ingredient I SUGGESTED, I could no longer eat the meal. Poor Kenny. This happened a few more times. One night I was sure I could eat fajitas. We went to a Mexican restaurant a block away. The fajitas seemed really expensive so I ordered enchiladas. After my first bite, I discovered that innocent seeming chicken was a terrible, terrible thing. Soon after, it was agreed that the word chicken would no longer be spoken in our household and if Kenny felt the need to use the word, he would replace it with the word rainbow.

All of the books suggested eating some dry toast in bed before getting up. But really, who wants to eat dry toast? We tried an English muffin with butter. I did not get to keep that. I tried crackers, but ugh, first thing in the morning? We finally discovered the magic food that I could eat: Lender’s bagels with cream cheese. I get one delivered to me every morning in bed because Kenny loves me. Leroy throws a fit because he wants to steal my bagel. I do not let him steal my bagel. Bagels are also the food that I get when I fail to keep a meal. Bagels are wonderful and glorious and I’m fairly certain that the baby will come out covered in cream cheese and lightly toasted.

Overall, meat (except for pork—Fetus does not keep kosher, loves bacon) and vegetables were the most difficult to eat. For a few weeks there, I’m pretty sure my diet was 75% bread product + cheese flavored product. I could eat almost anything my 8-year-old self would have eaten. That’s not a huge list of items. It includes PB&J, fried bologna, Kraft macaroni, hotdogs, and chocolate milk.

For the past 2 weeks I have been feeling soooo much better and eating soooo much better. Except for a few relapses here and there (designed to keep me humble I’m sure) there is sunshine and nourishment once more.

*I shall call it nausea for morning sickness is a terrible name for suffering that lasts all day.

Happy Friday.

The photo is courtesy of Miss Molly McMullen and was taken in Ocean City, Maryland Labor Day weekend 2004 I believe.

Our rockstar lifestyle

About five or six years ago Kenny and I went to a Ben Folds concert at the Pageant in St. Louis. We arrived at least two hours before doors opened, got front row spots, heckled Duncan Sheik (the opening act) and danced and cheered and sang while Ben played. I think we even went out afterwards. Basically, we had an awesome time.

Fast forward to Friday night. While we frequently have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner, we decide that it would be a bad idea that night because it might make us sleepy. We don our gym shoes (which might as well be orthopedic) and hoodies. Doors open at 8:00 and the theater is about a 10-minute walk from our house. We know we don't have it in us to get in line early to try to get really great spots. We try to calculate the last possible minute for us to leave so as to minimize our standing (oh the strenuous standing) around time but not be all the way in back. We end up standing about 4 rows back and halfway regretting not going for the actual seats in the balcony (the balcony where the age group is mysteriously more similar to our own). Ben plays an awesome show as always. Kenny dances violently--sort of rocking forward forcefully from the waist. We leave exhausted. I have a headache and Kenny has pulled something in his shoulder from the dancing. We sleep for many hours and wake up sore--from you know, standing.

Saturday night, we tried to go to see the Acrocats (yes, those are acrobatic cats), but it was SOLD OUT.

Preparing Kenny for Atonement

When I make dinner for Kenny, I usually make the amount I would make for myself times 4. And he's usually still hungry when he leaves the table. That tummy of his is a bottomless pit. Yesterday, I spent a great deal of the day making his last meal for before his day-long Yom Kippur fasting. I began cooking around noon and made a lasagna that weighed at least 10 pounds.



In all fairness, there was approximately 1 pound left over at the end. We also got some cookies from the bakery for dessert. Ironically, one of the cookies appeared to be pig shaped.


And this is the belly after sunset. It's normally flat, so all that protrudes is dinner.

I did a good job.

Does this mean I'm gonna have to help do the laundry?

Every morning I remove about five pillows from the top of Kenny's head so that I can find his face and kiss him good bye. If Jack has relocated himself to the couch, I pick him up and put him back in bed with Kenny.

When I get off the train coming home from work on most days I find Kenny and an excited little black puppy waiting for me on the corner. I really look forward to that part of my day.

I guess we'll have to come up with a new routine since yesterday somebody decided to hire that husband of mine.

The state of Kenny.

I was sitting in the living room while Kenny was taking a bath, and I kept hearing a strange sound. It sounded like he was underwater blowing bubbles. I went in to check on him and found this:

















He had finished his MGD Light (that he took to the bath with him?) and had decided to use it as a bath toy. He was submerging it and then pouring it out and starting over again.

















This is not just Kenny being messy. This is where he keeps his pants now--next to the couch--because he doesn't need to wear pants when he sits on the couch. Also, chances are, if he needs to put pants on, they will be close to him if they are close to the couch.























Thank God this experiment is over.

4 Things

1. I got fired.
Except that is an exaggeration and completely not true. My temp job ends next week so it might be back to the couch for me.

2. Maybe we're just on vacation.
Or maybe we should act like it. I think we should go to the beach and if lastminute.com can make it happen, we just might. Nothing quite gets your mind off the finances and joblessness like an all-inclusive getaway.

3. Kenny is buying Jack's affection with copius amounts of food and treats while I'm at work.
I think the tide is turning and Jack might love Kenny more than he loves me now. I can't compete with the daily bits of lox, spontaneous peanut butter kongs, and hamburger grease Kenny's been feeding him.

4. I just asked Kenny for a glass of water and some brownies.
He's in the kitchen baking now. He's the best. Maybe he buys everybody's affection with food?