Obsession

I spend the majority of my days working on feeding Eli. If I'm home, he spends about 50% of the time attached to my boob. I pump once before work, 4 times at work, and one time after work. I'm told some women are able to just pump twice a day. Lies I say. Lies.

Getting milk into this baby has become the central preoccupation of my life. He's gone on eating rampages a few times and annihilated the back up freezer stockpile I made before going back to work. We're now living on the edge with basically only the previous day's milk to rely on.

This is my Playtex pump. I've grown skeptical of its effectiveness. I came home early from work last week when I suspected it had totally crapped out and didn't think I was going to be able to pump enough for the next day.

This is what I affectionately refer to as my lactation room. There is one functioning outlet in this room, and it is on the opposite side of the room from the chair. The Playtex pump worked with an extension cord I brought in so that I could sit in that chair. The hospital-grade relic from the 80s I rented does not so I'm back to sitting on the floor with my back to the door.

The rental pump came in this awesome gym bag.

I've also taken to buying any herbal supplement people tell me will help my supply. When I was in the store renting the pump the sales lady sold me magic beans. Apparently Malunggay is all the rage and is totally helping all women. It also costs one million dollars, but of course it does because it works and is totally worth one million dollars. In front of the bottles, behold a sampling of the pills I take in one day. This is not including the Fenugreek pictured on the right. It made me and Eli reek of maple syrup and also messed up our tummies so I'm not taking that one anymore.

I'm not a competitive person, but I can be a very determined person. I don't train for races like a lot of my friends do--but I am going to do everything I can to make sure this baby's bottle continues to have the good stuff in it.

My Big Boy

The monkey is 4 months old today and has gotten huge! He's practically a boy. We're guessing that today he weighs 13 pounds even, making him twice his birth weight.

While he's still a huge fan of the ceiling vents, he's broadened his horizons and formed a strong friendship with the cord attached to the monitor. That cord is within reach of his changing table (which continues to be his favorite place in the world) and he likes to pretend it's a lasso. He spends a lot of his time naked and the vast majority of his sleeping time swaddled. His head almost always leaves a sweat spot behind. He's taken an interest in toys and has become ridiculously grabby. I've got little claw marks all over me from where a baby thought it'd be an awesome idea to go for a handful of my skin. If my hair comes near his hand, he pulls it with all of his might. When not grabbing things he likes to keep those hands in his mouth--both at the same time if possible. Oh, and they definitely go in there immediately after either puppy succeeds in licking them--because of course. At about 5 or 6 every morning he likes to scream/sing. It's a joyous noise that sounds a lot like a scream. He's got a smile that melts hearts. Is ridiculously charming and can't even talk yet.

Handle with Care

This is a picture of Amy, me, and Megan taking a shot of Mama Juana, a liquor from the Dominican Republic rumored to boost fertility. A year after this was taken, Amy and Megan were pregnant and I had just given birth. Just sayin...

Over-Sharing

What were you doing at 3:30 this morning? I know what I was doing. I was sitting up in bed clapping and offering words of encouragement as my baby boy made his first real poop in 5 days.

And then I poked his father and told him he needed to be changed. His father argued with me making the same argument he always makes at night and apologizes for the next day, "you're already up." I slept for some precious minutes and then I am not really sure I slept again as the little monkey was up screaming about every 30 minutes after that.

Maybe the curry I ate last night was a poor choice after all.

Developments

My baby has taken to occasionally sleeping in his crib all by himself. Previously all naps occurred on one of us, in the Bjorn, or sometimes swaddled on the couch. We had a friend over for dinner Saturday night. I swaddled him and nursed him down. He stayed asleep in his room for five hours. Kenny and I both had hands for 5 hours, and it was bizarre. We were serving corn on the cob and I was sure one of us was going to have to cut it off the cob for the other. I only checked on him about 10 times. Yes, we have a monitor. No, I do not trust it. Yes, I stand there and watch him until I can detect his chest rising and falling and I am sure he is still breathing.

Further calling into question Eli’s maternity, he is totally a morning person. He wakes up around 6:00 and begins his calisthenics. He kinds of looks like he’s marching or cheerleading—but laying down. He spends a good 10 minutes smiling and flirting with the air vents in the ceiling as they are hilarious. Eventually he will decide it is time to go walk his puppies and will pitch a fit until Kenny shows up with the Bjorn and leashes.

I’m in no way biased, but I am pretty sure my baby is way advanced. He’s got the neck strength of a wrestler. He has been successfully flipping over for a few weeks now. He can do front to back and back to front. When he does back to front he can’t quite drag one of his arms out of the way so he gets pretty upset about that. He can also stand with a little bit of support. I credit the months of preparatory kicking he did in the womb. Those legs came out strong and he hasn’t stopped kicking or flailing since.

Baby Junkie

I’m officially back at work full time. I’d say the major flaw with my workplace is that there are no babies in it. Namely, there are no Eli babies in it. I’ve found myself grasping for every Eli moment I can get outside of work. The moment 5:00 hits, I am out the door, walking quickly to the train, running to not miss a train, and then riding impatiently and counting down the stops. I get very angry if there is a train delay as it’s robbing me of baby minutes. When I get off the train I look from the platform to see if I can see Kenny, puppy and babies waiting. I speed walk to them and remove Eli from the Bjorn. He’s been falling asleep around 7:00, so I do not get much awake time with him. I’m pretty much glued to him until I wake up in the morning and talk myself into leaving him to go shower. I try to get ready as quickly as possible so that I can get him back before I leave. Then I carry him to the train and reluctantly hand him over to Kenny and the pups when we get to the station.

At work, I sit at a desk plastered in pictures of him. I wait impatiently for the Daily Eli and sometimes request additional pictures. I also call two to three times. I count down the days to the weekend. I am no help around the house. If I’m home, I want baby in my arms. I just can’t get enough.

My new holiday

Today is my first Mother's Day. Eli helped make me and his grandma eggs benedict for breakfast. I think his role was mostly supervisory. He also gave me some perfume which is quite thoughtful since because of him I lately mostly just smell like breastmilk and regurgitated breastmilk.

His father surprised me with the kind of surprise only I could really love. While I was at work last week he organized our linen closet--complete with labeled clear plastic bins. I went to find my hair dryer there the next day and found the loveliness accompanied with a sweet note. He once gave me a trash can for a birthday present. Many people tried to talk him out of that present, and I bet this present would sound similarly misguided to others. I couldn't have been more excited about the trash can and couldn't have been more excited about the closet though. He knows me so well.

If all of that wasn't enough, my dad also made a special lunch for me and the mother of his children (my mom). Today was just wonderful.

We came to Kansas City for the weekend mostly because I NEEDED to meet my friend Megan's little Milo and thought Eli should make his Kansas City rounds while he was still an itty bitty baby. Speaking of him being an itty bitty baby--he grew out of some of his 0-3 month clothes today. It's very upsetting for me seeing as how I'm still due two more weeks of him being 0-3 months old. I've decided to blame it on his big cloth diapers. During his Kansas City adventures he has proven once again that there is no scheduling this guy. He was completely content and happy when I though he'd be fussy and completely fussy when I thought he'd be happy. He likes to keep us on our toes. He's currently swaddled up and sleeping on the ottoman in front of me. He fell asleep all by himself for the second day in a row in that same location. This has not happened before and we are quite impressed with his brilliance. Also, we may need to steal this ottoman just in case the behavior is ottoman-specific.